Sunday, November 9, 2008 &
* * I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.* * Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.
If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.* * The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.* * Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.* * There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.* * Life is sexually transmitted.* * Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.* * The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.* * Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.* * Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.* * Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?* * All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.* * In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.* * How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?* * Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"* * Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."* * Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?* * If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?* * Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?* * If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?* * If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?* * Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?* * Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?* * Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?* * Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? my world is so lost & without you; 10:11 AM